Choose the Higher Ground

There are two ways to resolve the disputes that arise when couples separate.  The first, and by far the better way, is by way of a separation agreement.  Once signed, the agreement is a binding contract on both parties.  Of course, getting to an agreement means that both parties must be reasonable and cooperative with one another.  If that process fails, the only other way to address the issues is in family court. 

You really want to avoid family court.  There are a number of very good reasons to avoid running off to court, the most important of which is that doing so tends to add fuel to the fire so to speak.  Family court can be stressful and expensive and, at the end of the process, you have a complete stranger (a judge) deciding what is in the best interests of your children!

There are times when couples separate, that at least one of the parties comes to the table with a lot of anger.  There may be good reasons for that anger but some people wrestle with such intense feelings of anger that the person, effectively, cannot see things clearly.  I have found that intense negative emotion of any kind often interferes with the exercise of rational judgement. A person cannot be reasonable if they are dominated by intense feelings of anger. This is particularly true when it comes to deciding the issues of custody of, and access to, children. 

If a parent who is separating from their spouse cannot put their anger aside, often the real casualties are the child or children.  But, if you allow the other parent’s anger trigger you, the chances are that you could become very angry as well.  Negative emotion, particularly strong negative emotions such as anger, bitterness, jealousy, does more damage to an individual than they realize.  Negative emotions of any kind sometimes becomes an effective barrier to the individual moving forward in life.  Intense negative emotion can even have psychosomatic effects. 

If the other party adopts a ‘win at all costs’ approach or is too angry to be reasonable, it is best not to get drawn into that game.  This is often difficult advice for people to accept but, if you allow the anger of the other party to get to you and you respond in the same way, the discussions bewteen you will tend to get more heated, may well be prolonged or even collapse entirely and this will usually mean that one or the other will start an application in family court. Such an outcome will usually result in significantly more expense for both parties.  Do not get caught up in this game.  Choose the higher ground. 

If you are separating from your spouse, you should think very seriously about sitting down with the other side to try to calmly settle the issues between you.  Sometimes it may not be possible to sit down face to face with the other side.  For some couples, it can take weeks, or sometimes even months, for the ’emotional dust’ to settle. At times like these, seasoned legal counsel can often be a benefit.  If you need help drafting a written Separation Agreement or, if you have already found yourself in family court, call my direct line now for a no-obligation consultation.

506-496-5872

Or, for more information, visit my website at:

Family Law Woodstock 

Grant Edward Rayner B.Comm., LL.B.*

*In practice 40+years. Licensed in New Brunswick and Ontario. Offices to serve you in Woodstock, Hartland, Florenceville-Bristol and Fredericton.